Brexit through the gift shop
UK general election now set for December: All is vanity, nothing is fair
No more jokes about blondes. Those days are over. It’s 2019, the post-#metoo-era. Making fun of blondes is now considered a hate crime. Almost … but what about Boris, the proverbial close-call peroxide blonde bad-hair-day-disaster with megalomaniacal ideas on world domination? After all it was him who – as a little brat, mind you – proudly stated that one day he’s gonna be the „King of the World“! (source: Frankfurter Allgemeine) This dude literally begs for a heavy dose of slander! But strangely, he pretty often slanders himself … albeit without the intention to do so. To proof the point here’s a direct quote: „Voting Tory will cause your wife to have bigger breasts and increase your chances of owning a BMW M 3.“ Depending on the pain threshold of one’s funny bones either knee-slapper or damp squib … but Johnson is a politician, not a comedian. And what’s even worse: This lame duck „horror clown“ is the head of state of the one and only nation destined to shock the European Union’s very foundation at it’s core.
Cause Boris wants out. He wants the Brexit. At all costs! 70 billion pounds economic loss for Britain in 2020 alone? Come on, that’s peanuts. Doesn’t matter! Oh, now we see why those 100 million pounds Johnson wasted on the information campaign „Get ready for Brexit“ are treated like they’re nothing to speak of. And the descent into sheer chaos after Britain leaving the Union is also seen as a funny footnote in the non-selling novel „The World according to Boris“. It figures: This self-appointed „King of the World“ is only keen on leaving his mark on history. That’s what kings do. Since the bloody dawn of time. And so consequently, in a few weeks time, Johnsons delusional path of destruction leads to the grand finale, the final battle: UK’s general election on December 12th, 2019.
Why is perfectly clear: Boris is sniffing his big chance. Heck, he’s sniffing even more: The bittersweet smell of success. Sadly righfully so. According to latest polls Johnsons conservative Tories are ahead Labour by more than twelve points who in turn are only ahead the Liberal Democrats by a whisker. If that lasts and „wild hair“ Boris ends up the winner the UK most likely bids farewell to the European Union in the days after January 31st, 2020. Naturally without any agreement or deal regarding future relations. So more fights are guaranteed! Extensive fights with no end in sight. Fights which will probably go on way beyond the January 2021 mark.
vote for boris – or not?
But wait … what do proeuropean Brits think of this? Aren’t they worried? Hell, they should be scared out of their bloody wits! They are. Let’s quote the „Guardian“:
If the Tories win, their Brexit deal will be theirs to administer. They who infected the country with the Brexit disease over the decades will now own it, not just for the next five years of miserable consequences but for ever, with no one else to blame. Brexit and its aftermath might finish the Tories off, for their historic crime of leading the country astray with lies and false visions. In their victory may be their demise.
Raises one pivotal question: Why do British voters help in keeping „Blondie Boris’“ boat afloat? Hell, in history class they told us about the Brits’ almost inherent ability of being good at sea! So what is it this time? Dumbassery or some kind of inner Monty Python hellbent on pulling a prank the kind the world has never seen? None of it. It’s probably got to do with alternatives … the lack thereof. What was it again a female member of the pro-remain party Change UK was racking her brains about on live TV? It was this: „If we leave the Union, who’s gonna serve us Londoners our coffee?“ Damn … sounds suspiciously like verbal diarrhea …
So what’s the lesson we can learn? Never trust those puppets on strings we call politicans! What we’re sold as reality is actually a play called „Clown World“ … presented to us daily on the stage that is life. One of the current leading men: „our beloved“ Boris. Born in New York, educated at the European School in Brussels. The maternal grandpa, James Fawcett, member and president of the „European Commission of Human Rights“, the paternal grandfather, Ali Kemal, interior minister of the Ottoman Empire. And his father’s maternal grandmother, Marie Louise de Pfeffel, was a descendant of Prince Paul of Württemberg. Heck, Boris even described himself as a „one-man-melting pot“ – with a combination of Muslims, Jews and Christians comprising his great-grandparentage. And now it’s this same Boris, himself a concoction of genes from almost all the corners of the world, who’s in love with the bygone idea of the nation state and obsesses like a hound dog over his prey about letting the European Union go up in flames. Goddammit, without family members obsessing over bringing people of different nationalities together this douchebag wouldn’t even exist …
And yet he’s here. Tormenting us as leading man in „Clown World“, the shabby soap opera with the ability of triggering consquences for real. It was Ambrose Bierce, poet, Civil War veteran and writer of the much-quoted „The Devil’s Dictionary“, who once labelled politics as „A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.“ Good. But what’s the meaning for us? Tune out, turn off … NOW! The only way to drop „Clown World’s“ ratings, to increase the chances of the show getting cancelled. WE are the European Union, not the Johnsons of this world. So if we want a screenplay suitable to our tastes it’s US who need to write it …
Heinz Lackner, journalist